11/18 - How To Always Enjoy Thanksgiving

And an update on lab-grown protein.

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An Update On Lab-Grown Protein

Earlier this week the FDA approved Upside Food’s lab-grown chicken product. While lab-grown meat won’t appear in grocery stores overnight, it’s certainly coming. For additional context on lab-grown proteins, revisit this article on cell-based fish.

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How To Always Enjoy Thanksgiving 

When done right, washing dishes becomes Thanksgiving’s one guaranteed joy. 

Food is not constant. No matter how many times your mom has managed to pull off her Signature Stuffing or the number of hours you’ve spent studying Alison Roman’s Thanksgiving tutorial, shit inevitably happens. Ovens malfunction, dishes shatter, deep fried turkeys combust.

Think about the times you’ve grimaced at an overcooked chicken breast served to you at an actual restaurant. If professional cooks can’t nail it every time, consider how improbable it is for you and your mom to successfully replicate Roman’s Leek and Green Gratin while the two of you are halfway through a bag of Franzia.  

Family is less consistent than food. Your sixteen year old crypto-obsessed cousin will - for the first time in years - not insist on managing your parents retirement fund. The Trump-loving uncle will likely have his swagger back. Your brother will “perform vegan” in front of his new girlfriend.

Regardless of how impossibly inedible the turkey is, or how insufferable your uncle’s politics are, there will be dishes to wash. Those dishes are an annual source of happiness, freedom, and alcohol. 

After a Thanksgiving meal, most people plan on indulging themselves in a turkey-and-alcohol-induced coma. Dishes become the napper’s obstacle - they’ll do anything to avoid picking up a sponge. This is where you - the dishwasher - become valuable.

Ascend the throne sink, then ask a couch-bound napper for a glass of wine. You’ll never receive a quicker, fuller pour. Dismiss your cupbearer, then send the bravest dish-avoider on a quest to find the mythical Fully Charged Bluetooth Speaker. When the speaker arrives, toast the brave knight, then look upon your mountain of heavily crusted sheet trays and smile. For as long as you stand in front of that sink, cup full and music on, Thanksgiving will - for a moment - be perfect.

 Ideally, dish cleaning is a group project. You want support staff. But make no mistake, the greatest joys are found in the sink. Take the sink. 

I have worked the sink the last eight Thanksgivings. At the sink I have experienced some of the happiest moments of my life. Scrubbing away, blissfully wine drunk, laughing and dancing with whoever floats through the kitchen – it’s uncut joy, and I recommend you try it next week.

Before you do, here are a few tips on how to make washing dishes your annual Thanksgiving highlight:

Organization:

Take the sink. Once you’re there, don’t leave. Walking is hard, never do it.

If you’re alone, let the dishes come to you. If you have an assistant, they’ll clear the table while you scrub. If you have at least two helpers, someone loads the dishwasher and dries pots and pans - others clear plates and fill tupperware. 

Build out a squad, then iterate annually. There’s nothing quite like watching a dish crew come into their own. 

Music:

Intergenerational bangers. The vibe should be the Space Jam theme song, Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl), Pump Up The Jam, and Beyonce songs that your parents know.

Mix in a musical drinking game. One that we play: put on Bill Withers “Lovely Day” then drink beer for as long as Mr. Withers belts “lovely DAAAAAAAY.”

Drinking:

While at the sink, indulge yourself in luxury. Ask your hobbyist family member to make you their “specialty cocktail.” If they say no, ask if they’d like to do the dishes. Then ask them to make you another.

Take a team shot. We do gravy backs: a shot of Jameson chased with a shot of gravy. You’d like it.

Gear:

If you can find an apron, wear it. Your outfit will appreciate it. Also, it’s fun to drink in costume. 

Most importantly, buy steel wool. Facing a Thanksgiving dish pit with a sponge is like bringing a water balloon to a gunfight. If you need more convincing, you can read my full steel wool dissertation here. 

Despite what the swath of cooking tutorials and curated instagram stories would suggest, you don’t need a moist turkey breast or perfect family to enjoy Thanksgiving. All you need is a sink, and maybe a bottle (or two) of wine. 

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Thank you all so much for reading. I hope you have an amazing weekend and wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving. Look out for a Black Friday email, next week, on Black Friday. Please consider sharing this with a friend and subscribing if you haven’t already. Thank you!