12/16 - Why You Should Start Every Holiday Party By Shucking Oysters
And Snickers bleaches its hair.
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Some housekeeping:
As it stands, this will be the last newsletter of 2022. I will be skipping next week to wrap up my final exams. Also, none of you should be reading emails next Friday or the Friday after that. We’ll pick back up the first week of 2023. I couldn’t be more excited.
Lastly, thank you all for supporting Restaurant Adjacent over the last six months- it’s been quite the ride. The feedback, compliments, and critiques are what makes this so damn fun. I wish you all a happy, oyster-filled holiday!
Snickers Bleaches Its Hair
Earlier this week, Snickers unveiled its new “Hi Protein Bar” that will include 20 grams of protein, 4 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of fun. Snickers venturing into performance nutrition is akin to your quarter-zip-wearing, boat-shoe-having friend that suddenly moves to an inconvenient part of Brooklyn, bleaches their hair, performs vegan, and swears by a local, small business named Blank Street Coffee. Your friend looked great in quarter-zips, and Snickers tastes best as a well packaged cavity — I hope they both find their way home soon.
Why You Should Start Every Holiday Party By Shucking Oysters
Every holiday season I am reminded of one festive truth: every holiday party should start with a martini in one hand and an oyster knife in the other.
Holiday parties can take a minute to get fizzing. With a guest list that often includes some combination of neighbors, relatives, and colleagues, it’s rare that your collection of sweater-clad frenemies will want to talk with each other at all, let alone without first ingesting social lubricants.
Shucking oysters at the beginning of your holiday party will fix this.
Right off the bat, shucking oysters immediately ups the #CoolFactor of any party. Although not actually difficult, oyster shucking always impresses people. Instead of buying the biggest tree in town, shuck oysters at the beginning of the night and your party will immediately stand out.
Once you start shucking, guests will gravitate towards you and the oysters. This is what you want: people coming together. Now intimately clustered around the bivalves, increased proximity is often enough of a spark for people to strike up conversations that likely would’ve taken hours and cocktails to happen otherwise.
With guests funneling towards you, hosting the party becomes easier. Rather than walking the room to make sure your guests are feeling situated, shuck oysters and the welcoming conversations come to you. Also, there’s no better time to (cheerfully) ask why your neighbor insists on mowing their lawn at 7AM every Saturday than when you are shucking them an oyster.
Oysters, themselves, are a conversation starter. Every time I shuck for friends and family, I’m amazed at how enthusiastic people are to share their oyster opinions. Oyster preferences (big vs. small, salty vs. sweet, east vs. west, mignonette or lemon or both) invoke excitement, debate, and passion all without mentioning a political party. Sick!
Best of all, oysters give you plenty of reason to start everyone’s night off with a martini or a glass of champagne. Pro tip: prepare the drinks beforehand or enlist your most trusted bartending guest to pour them while you shuck. There’s no need to overwork yourself.
Regardless, when your guests start their night with an oyster - freshly shucked by you - and the perfect accompanying cocktail, your holiday party will avoid the social awkwardness we all so disdain.
Thank you all for reading. This remains the highlight of my week, every week. Please consider sharing this with a friend or family member — I hope you all have a wonderful holiday and I can’t wait to send you something beautifully ridiculous in 2023.
Merry Christmas Paul! I enjoy reading R A.
Good luck with your finals❤️
Aunt Mary