9/16 - How I would fix Burger King
And some new restaurants to check out.
Restaurants:
-Bon Appetit released its list of the 50 best new restaurants in America for 2022. Here are the NYC spots that made the list, most of which still have available reservations.
Agi’s Counter (Eastern European, pastry forward - Brooklyn)
Bonnie’s (Cantonese, with an all time McRib rendition - Brooklyn)
Dept. of Culture (Nigerian tasting menu, all around one big table - Brooklyn)
Gage & Tollner (Oyster & chop house with some Korean flavors - Brooklyn)
One White Street (Farm forward fancy shit - Tribeca)
Semma (Southern Indian - West Village)
Uncle Lou (Pitch perfect Chinatown fare - China Town)
-The eight seat French-Japanese restaurant, House, will open at the impossibly cool 50 Norman this October. You can email them for reservations now.
Stories:
According to the New York Times, luxury golf course communities are attracting top chefs to enhance clubhouse and on-course dining options. Similar to the sentient tech bro who will forever “WFH” on the beach, enlightened chefs are ditching city kitchens for ocean views, a driving range, and the all important quest to “elevate” the cobb salad.
How to fix Burger King:
Earlier this week, I stumbled across this perfect headline:
“Reclaim The Flame” is a (real) $400 million growth investment that will be split accordingly: $150 million to “Fuel The Flame” (this means advertising, I guess) and $250 million for “Royal Reset” (remodeling and relocation). The names are perfect, but the investments are flawed.
There’s no time to waste. Burger King needs growth. Look at these #numbers.
I have no clue what “Diluted EPS” means but that’s a lot of red and that can’t be good.
While it’s not in the King’s nature to take policy advice from a commoner, the path towards exponential burger growth is clear from this side of the moat. If the King was serious about Reclaiming the Flame, this is how he would spend $400 million on growth:
A Royal Partnership - $50 Million
For the next few weeks, there will be more eyeballs on King Charles than there will be for most of his reign. In the biz, we call this influence. Known to take large sums of money from questionable dignitaries, Chuck is waiting on our call. Send him a whopper, a paper crown, and a check for $50 million and the BK crown will no longer belong to this asshat.
Virtual Carnival - $100 Million
Kings love carnivals, carnivals have games, and my king has the three best games. Re-release the King Game series, host an online tournament, partner with the guy who uses a recorder to play Call of Duty, and virality will ensue.
Royal Reset - $100 million
No need to change a perfect name, but in this case ‘reset’ will hold its literal meaning, as all Burger King restaurants should be brought back into a 90’s design template. Overly nostalgic? Sure. But the culinary complexity of six chicken fries is undoubtedly amplified by Pepto Bismol leather and material-curious floor tiling.
A Royal Ellis Island - 149 Million
Europeans love kings (fact). Europeans particularly love my king. See here:
We need more Europeans at US Burger Kings. In short, we need more Europeans. We need to reopen Ellis Island, maybe upgrade it to an airport and then stick a Burger King at baggage claim. Problem solved.
Restaurant Adjacent - 1 Million
Because I’d like to do this for a job and could use some investment. I’d do without the money, but please subscribe, send to friends, and I’ll continue to fix more food businesses. Thank you all for reading. Love each and every one of you.