1/6 - What is Spiked Protein?
Fully realized, dairy-free Fight Milk.
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What is Spiked Protein?
In my last newsletter, I wrote about Snickers’ protein-induced identity crisis. Today, we dive into something much stranger: protein alcohol. Or as you’ll come to know it, Protochol.
Protochol is a sixteen-ounce, uncarbonated beverage that is 8% ABV and contains 11 grams of protein. Offered in three flavors - “Pineapple Pump,” “Swoleberry,” and “Orange County” - Protochol is the first “spiked protein” drink sold in the United States.
Protochol commercially launched in Erie, PA in March 2022. Since then, this dairy-free fight milk has expanded into 200 stores across the Northeast and Midwest United States, amassed over 12k social media followers, been lampooned by Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show, and labeled one of the “the worst beverages ever” by Bar Rescue’s Jon Taffer.
Despite rapid growth, customer opinion of Protochol is mixed. Andrew H. (who likes shit beer) found Swoleberry disappointing.
Meanwhile, Ben paired Swoleberry with a snow shovel and loved it.
Lisa Lime detected notes of Capri Sun in her Swoleberry.
Protochol’s intrigue extends well beyond its flavor profile. Claiming to draw inspiration from Ghengis Khan’s imperial conquests, Protochol employs a marketing strategy that is equally #disruptive and destructive. The company labels itself as “100% Unnecessary,” an undeniably clever disarmament of its most obvious criticism that also describes its decision to blow up a toilet and transform the observation deck of a lighthouse into an unnervingly empty nightclub - all in the name of promoting spiked protein.
According to its website, Protochol is “a high octane drink for high octane people'' that “flaunt their savagery by drinking fearless products.” As the website states, Protochol isn’t for just anyone:
But - also - Protochol is for everyone:
Impressed with the drink’s savage growth and eager to learn more about what it takes to be a high octane person, I spoke with twenty four year old Protochol cofounder Josh Kurcewski. During our conversation, I learned about Protochol food pairings (there are none), upcoming product and distribution expansions (Ohio this spring), and what truly constitutes a high octane person.
According to Josh, a high octane person is “someone that is just getting after it in every way possible.” While I was disappointed to learn Josh’s initial impression of me was that of a low octane person, by the end of our call, my willingness to #GetAfterIt hopefully came through strongly enough that I just might get a bid into the High Octane Brotherhood.
If you’re put off by Protochol’s product or marketing, Josh and his co-founder Mitch Clark have a message for you: if you don’t like it, leave. This attitude is not original nor inclusive, but it works. Protochol has real fans, thousands of them, in fact. On any Protochol social media post, you’ll find commenters asking when Swoleberry and Pineapple Pump will come to their state. Soon, the last nine months would suggest.
While it’s easy to chuckle at Protochol today, it somehow seems inevitable that Josh and Mitch will eventually be the ones laughing at us, as they leisurely shotgun cans of vintage Swoleberry from the decks of their yachts.
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